A good number turned up at Denny Beck car park for this first r*n of the year. It had been billed as the GM's New Year r*n but he feigned illness and sent Morticia to hare with Minor Tw*t.

Minor Tw*t explained the idea behind the r*n was for the GM and On-Sec to set the tone for the coming year and also blow away the christmas cobwebs. After a briefing from the hares, where we were told we'd see every mark in the LVH3 book, we were off.

The trail took us along the riverside toward Lancaster where we rejoined the cycle path near the Holiday Inn for our first check. On down the cycle path to the Lune Aqueduct where another check took us up numerous steps to the canal. On over the aqueduct and further along the canal where we came across our first public footpath which led us up to the Cross Keys on the A6 at Slyne. It was on this section that Baldbrick became Hash Crash.

It was here that the first serious misdemeanour took place. Major Twit was observed by her handsome, loving and doting husband using her prior knowledge of the r*n TO SCRUB OUT A CLOSED CHECK ARROW!!!!!

I ask you. Would any of you do such a thing? No, of course not. At the beer stop she was severely reprimanded by Tw*t who lived up to his name.

After the Beer Stop we experienced the unimaginative Rambo split which took us over the newly spread fields to Kellet Road and back the way we'd just come. Here we rejoined the wimps trail which took us down a long lane back to the canal.

It was at the point the clearly marked trail looked blurred to some. Forever Blowing and her circle of gossips missed the *CLEARLY MARKED* stile and ran on in ignorance only to realise their mistake and track back to the stile.

It was also around this point that Bitter got lost, seriously lost.

Everyone else on trail, descended to the riverside and followed the footpath through Halton Camp, past the biggest Hash Halt you've ever seen, and rejoined the Halton Road by the motorway bridge.

Pudsley and Thunderdick, as ever, took the Rambo's split followed by Twisted and Major Tit Twit who had just been complaining the r*n was too long!!!

On over Denny Beck Bridge to the car park where down downs were rewarded to:

• the hares for the best r*n of the year so far
• Major Twit for the unforgiveable sin of using prior knowledge
• Baldbrick for Hash Crash
• the usual rabble who don't don hash gear
• Baldbrick and Twisted for the exchange of bodily fluids

It was at this point we became increasingly concerned for the Yellow Peril (Highway) and Bitter. Just as we were dialling 999, Highway appeared but still no sign of Bitter.

As the search party was being formed, he appeared worse for wear vowing never to Hash again. After his chips and gravy and a beer or two in the Greyhound, he'd forgotten all about it.

On On to the next r*n

Major Twit with bits by Minor Tw*t (you can tell who wrote what if you look carefully!)