R*n 178: Leck

Well, if sleeping with Antiseptic wasn’t bad enough, today I was relegated into the company of No More Cum, who took the liberty of inserting his hand inside my haberdashery. He claimed that this was the safest way of transporting me around the course without dropping me in the mud – and there was plenty of that! Though I might look like Nookie Bear, that is where the similarity ends and he should learn to keep his hands to himself! My goggles would have been a welcome accessory with that deviant around, but they were reportedly being sterilised after I’d partaken in bedtime frolics at the Septics’ place.

The rain, which had shown its face on the way to Leck, further down the Lune Valley, held off for the whole of the run and, although it was overcast and misty, the promised beautiful countryside could be appreciated. The milder temperature made a nice change from me freezing my bear arse off all Winter. Harry the Dog, one of our true stalwarts, was today joined by Rocky the Hound, brought along by Atomic Caton to set the pace for her.

After making a hash of his first check and finally catching up with the pack, NMC finally found himself relieved of my company by Twisted, who was glad to push my head firmly between her bouncing breasts. I didn’t catch the full story, but I gather it was something to do with augmentation and extra support until the silicone sets. From then on my r*n was absolute bliss and I can remember very little else.

By the time I saw daylight again, we were at the bear stop and had been joined by virgin Steve, a local vassal of Lord Shuttleworth. There were more biscuits than Sooty could shake his wand at and the hungry pack made short work of them. There was some concern that Bitter might have got lost again, until he turned up with Cum Yak Yak in tow.

After another journey into Mammary Wonderland, I emerged to find myself back in the school playground in time for the circle. Down-downs were awarded to a number of sinners, including Lurch, who, having temporarily lost his horn en route, was deemed to be the flaccid one. Morticia took cover behind her silence.  The highlight was however the presentation made to Morticia of an engraved pint mug of the finest Bohemian glass to celebrate her completion of 100 r*ns. She half drank the down-down in true Morticia style and threw the rest over the pack. The only difference this time was that she threw it forwards, just to make sure she kept a tight hold on the glassware.

Bubbles was kind enough to invite us all round to his place for bonfire night and said that, if he was late, we should just pile up and burn any combustibles we can find in the garden and drink all his beer.