A far from bright and sunny day greeted us all. For those of us staying in the pig barn, an early breakfast for most was had. We were off in good time following somewhat muddled instructions, or was it just me that was muddled? (answers to the editor..). Well the car I was in went to the wrong place initially, but we all met up in fine time for an 11am kickoff...except there were 2 hares missing! The girls finally turned up and after some animated secret talks between the 3 of them it was announced we had a great run ahead of us. It later transpired that the girls had got lost on their part of the run, so not to plan was the gist!

Over the road and river and up the west side of the valley.  Much confusion at the second check, our male hare being equally nonplused at the lack of rambo split.  “It’s meant to be around here”  I heard. Luckily feels on Wheels pointed it out and most of the pack went up and up and up and up. There were some lovely views it has to be said. We had been warned to be wary of finding the trail in an open heathland area, but Lurch found it and all was not lost. At the next check your scribe was fortunate for a change to find the real trail and at the next so got a bit ahead. Just before re-crossing the road to the starting point there were a group of 4 young lads eating lunch. “Excuse me , do you know where you are?” “ yes”....” well could you show us on the map where we are!!”.

Back at the cars and a grateful drinks stop where the wimps had been for a while. Some were eager to set off, before being caught up by the rambos, were sent off along a farm track. The rambos all arrived, but then we saw the front runners coming back. The hares had set a very sneaky back check. Minor Tw*t was FURIOUS, he’d gone off like a bullet and returned equally fast but fired this time, not with enthusiasm but molten ire within his loins. The language was filled with ********s.

The hares found it very amusing.

We were all sent off finally up the other side of the valley, up an up again. Minor Tw*t again in the front...still ire filled. So much so that after the next check he just kept going and going, despite the lack of markings. We were all a bit worried he’d gone for good. The rest of the pack were all at a halt, waiting for him.  Hurrah! He’s come back, we can set off again. Well he overtook us all and raced on down the hill and we all ended up at a lovely pub and  some sustenance.

A quick circle was formed as it was getting cold.

Down downs to:

• The hares- a great if not contentious run
• Minor Tw*t for all the ******s
• Baldbrick - also for some ******s

A great, but basic week end, with disappointing weather considering what you had all had in the previous days. I certainly on arrival home, had a lovely hot bath. The company however was great.

Now what did I buy?

An apple, a boat, a packet of condoms, a dolly, an enema, a frock, golfshoes, a horse, an indian iguana, some johnnies, a kit-bag, a loofah, a moo-cow, some noodles, an orange, a penis extension (that I don’t need), a queer for an hour, a randy rabbit, a surrogate mother, a tank, a unicorn, a virginal vernon, a willy warmer, an x-rated movie, a large pair of Y-fronts to put my penis extension into (that I don’t need) and the Zulu nation.

Now I must remember to write down my shopping list, then I won’t forget!