Visitor: Porta John from Seattle

Melling was the setting for this fine, though slightly overcast morning and after manoeuvring our cars onto the pavement of a residential close, much to the bemusement of its residents, we circled without the Addams Family, anticipating them turning up late as usual. A formal welcome was extended to Porta John, visiting all the way from Seattle. (We got this job because we bared our legs - well we've got good legs and Spring is here! I guess they're all jealous) After very brief instructions from Hares White Noise and Off His Trolley, we set off in good time just as the Addams family arrived. (the locals were very encouraging - they went this way, they went that way but we were undeterred and followed the trail - being good hashers)

The Hares' promise of a short run and early beer stop was not to be resisted and the early pace was searing, that is until we encountered some spectacular shiggy on the flood plain farm lanes, (White Noise's revenge - that is, running was impossible!) down towards the Lune. On reaching said river the clear calls of hundreds of oyster catchers were wonderful. The devious Hares obviously had planned the next riverside section to torture us with an overwhelming desire to leap into the Greta (for CS as he seems to delight in throwing himself into water whenever possible) and wash that shiggy off while the fence barred our access. On approaching the main road we knew this would be the early beer stop promised but, true to form, our Hares had been fibbing and the beereft trail continued relentlessly across the road and steadily climbed up and down dale (with good views - maybe CS missed these - I thought they were worth a mention) , narrowly avoiding our grim fate in a farm's septic tank outlet (even the grass was suffering!) and eventually to our long-awaited beer at precisely 5.2km according to our reliable GM's sat nav.

Several orange choc digestives with liquid accompaniment later, the in trail led past Wennington Hall and ascended to the dizzy heights above the railway tunnel (for the Rambos that is) with magnificent views over the Lune valley. The meandering descent led back to the road, through picturesque Melling and on in. (it was a super run and after discussion and bewilderment about kilometres and miles it was decided the run was about 9K or 5 and a bit miles - these things are really important!)

Downdowns for:

• the Hares
• Lurch (handbag MCP)
• Porta John (starting fast then fading fast)
• Minor Tw*t
• Lurch and CyberS (macho running up hills)
• Minor Tw*t (checking out the route on the map in advance)
• and more but can’t remember (oh Lurch again for not knowing the difference between the fantastic displays of snowdrops – I said Spring was here – and blobs of chalk, oh the RA meant flour).

The Royal Oak at Hornby was the oninn and proved entirely satisfactory, according to Cum Yak Yak serving the second best chips and gravy in the history of LVH3.