As I was without transport this fine Friday, I was indebted to a Twit and a Twot in a twatmobile, who kindly whisked me away from this planet to the world of Barrows Green. I didn't notice anything along the way that looked like a barrow and though we all ran jolly hard, nobody had need of one. As for greens, the foliage had all been obscured by a thick covering of fluffy snow, which made running difficult for those of us with short legs. At least, I thought it was snow! Upon closer inspection, I realised that it was marshmallow. The girls especially enjoyed running through it, even though it was up to their knockers in places, and having the odd gobble.

As for the run itself, it wended over dales and inevitably up hills to those places where Slackbladder goes in search of the true meaning of life. I thought it quite sublime sitting with my very passable tin of beer looking out at the 360 degree vista. Somebody pointed out that I had missed a fight between two birds. What a bummer! I quite enjoy those little tiffs they have and eagerly look forward to the part when they tear each other's clothes off!

Like all good runs, there was more beer at the circle and what a circle it was. Our deputy-RA Baldbrick had obviously gone swimming in a vat of beer that afternoon and was in fine form. Unfortunately, I was concentrating so hard on not spilling my beer that I forgot to switch my memory on and it has all been washed away. I'm pretty sure, however, that there were down downs for Upperskirt and Masterbaker, who were temporarily removed from orbit by aliens, whilst negotiating a fish-hook, and arrived back after we had all gone to sleep.

After the circle, we all retired to the Green Goblin for some Moloko Plus and to check out the farmers' erotschkas. England were in the process of beating Brazil 1-1 and afterwards we had the opportunity to talk to Bobby Moore, his dad Brian and the legendary Pele.

By time I'd pedalled home from Lancaster, the world had all dropped back into place again and I knew I was going to be alright.