R*n 236: Newbiggin-on-Lune

Visitors
Dave & Helen from Newbiggin-on-Lune
Jen from Preston
Jristos

After arriving hopelessly too late to participate on the last hash we arrived nice and early to the lune garden center, in perfect hashing condition. (hungover and full of fry-up.) We were not the only ones, so the pretty good turnout (about half of whom appeared to be hares,) had plenty of time to decorate the village of Newbiggin on lune with our cars.

We set out on top form, with Morticia running all the down bits! However, pretty soon got bogged down in a pretty severe patch of verbal diarrhea, delineated by a Hash Halt. We learned something about the source of the river lune, what that was, erm, not really sure, sorry. After that the trail split, the show-offs headed off on the RAMBO trail, and how the r*n went for them I do not know, because, sacrificing martyr that I am, I deigned to follow the w-wambo twail with unfit Hellenic virgin Jristos. With a heavy heart we watched the Rambos sprint up hill, and lit a ciggie. (not really.)

Thanks to my crash course in being the scribe I can report that we were then abducted by aliens, who introduced us to Elvis and told us how short and full of beer stops the trail was going to be.

Next came our baptism in the river Lune, hallelujah! We sauntered through beautiful fields, gardeny-looking footpaths, past genetically-modified-perfect-giant-shiny-blackandwhite uber-cows, normal cows, lots of free range chickenny creatures and not least GINGER SHEEP! And a plethora of new hashing terms- some 'issues,' some 'domestics,' and more than one 'hash crash.' Approximately 5 hours later came the 'on beer,' and a London Marathon after that came the hallowed car boot with its maryland cookies, capri-suns and foamy beery goodness. Lurch was the first Rambo to arrive, making him King-Testosto-Rambo perhaps? Trail split again, we lushed it again, despite all the whingeing at the beer stop Jen Rambo'd it again, actually, am quite curious to know who gave the piggy back? Where the trails met again one of the two possible sources of the Lune was pointed out, an indistinguishable 'moist patch' in a field. Nice.

As far as I can't really remember, down downs went to:

• Dave and Helen for hash-crashing.
• The Addams family, for, er wotwozit?
• Bendit, for wearing a Liverpool football shirt, conversely given by some Evertonian scum.

Bendit, full name Bend it like a Shrimp, was so named due to football connections, and for some other reasons too. Elaboration would be much appreciated. Is this the vaguest write up ever? I was christened Englishmonkey, because it is something I would quite like not to be, and has been the sum total of my post-graduation 'career' (ha ha) so far. And on into the (on?)cafe for the old lady version of a pissup. Grand!

Wont put me in a position of responsibility again, will you? That'll teach you...