Once Upon a time in the (North) West

There was this great sporting event where many peasants gathered for a run. Some say that they were following a flour trail which would lead them to treasure and indeed the legends speak of a strange tribe called the ‘Hashers’ whose obscure religious practices required them to follow flour on Sunday mornings in all weather.

Little is known of the lost ‘Hashers’ and even less of the event mentioned, who knows how long it lasted? Perhaps 2 hours or maybe 2 days (or it just seemed like that). Who was their leader? Who led their religious ceremonies?

What little evidence that remains suggests that the Hashers were a theocracy led by the feared and powerful ‘Religious Advisor’ who would administer terrible punishment to any hasher for the slightest deviation from the strict code of Hashing.

Why is so little remembered of the Hashers? One theory is that the religious advisors insisted on a strict beer only diet and decreed that only sheep were suitable sexual partners. All this meant that there were few new members being born and the remaining Hashers died of alcoholic poisoning.

The above may seem bizarre and disturbing, but consider the evidence. Excavations found remains of beer vessels near known hash run sites (no food remains were ever found), many of the ceremonial robes of the hashers have inscribed on them stylised pictures of men having intercourse with sheep.

Because there were many sheep in the areas that the Hashers preferred it may be that they thought of the sheep as being Goddesses that should be worshiped through the sexual act.

Very little may be known of the lost Hashers and virtually nothing remains about the sporting event in the North West except that it was almost certainly a ‘Hash Run’ as their Sunday morning events were known. There was no treasure except beer although there was much aimless wondering. The names of those punished by the Religious Advisor are long since forgotten.