R*n 324: Ingleton

Captain’s Log.  Star Date 08111100.

The crew of the Hash-Ship Enterprise had beamed down onto the waterworld of Ingleton onto a patch of dry land in the proximity of the Masons Arms.  Its 9 year mission to go boldly where no one has gone before.

Grand Master Baldbrick had reconnoitred waterworld where rain fell more or less continuously for weeks on end. Baldbrick’s report unusually was recorded and he fished out the instructions from a pocket and read to the main party. The mission to find an ‘unusual’ sight on Rambo 3. Rules of engagement : three Rambos splits with matching Wimps, Fishhook. Check.

Proceeding heedless of danger, the crew left the safety of asphalt and headed into paddy fields and stumbled onto white sticky patches, that analysis proved to be harmless flour.

The Enterprise Shuttle carried supplies including the dangerous exploding jammy dodgers and drinks to a rendezvous, but took off again before any but the leading crew members could be injured. The manoeuvre was repeated several times during the mission, leading to frustration.

A lonely humanoid female was encountered at one such rendez-vous and was offered the hand of friendship and a jammy dodger, before continuing swiftly and perhaps wisely in the opposite direction.

Skies cleared revealing a strangely beautiful landscape. A verdant green, Ingleborough, Lunesdale laid out before the crew, tantalising, siren like call.

Mission over and the crew received the wisdom of deputy RA Twisted. Specific awards for Hash Crasher Upperskirt, No More Cum for compassion on the temporary loss of crew Highways (“Oh f*ck him”), MasterBaker for revealingly tight shorts and FRB, Baldbrick (not sure why) and Twisted for leaving posh coat on previous mission.

Despite a safe return, GM was relieved of duty and Twisted stepped into his Wellingtons, On Sec stepped down to give way to Sir Tom Tom.  Lurch becomes RA and other officers, Hash Cash (UpperSkirt), Hash Flash (Bitter) and Hash Haberdash continue their sterling work.