Heavy rain was forecast, and we drove all the way to Lancaster in the rain. On arrival we found that the rain had ceased for a short period. Modest pack was made more modest by Baldbrick turning into a fair weather h*sher and staying at home, though Upperskirt somehow found the day dry enough to be out and about. White Noise and Office Trolley both seemed to be much slimmer. They claimed that they not could afford to eat as they had to pay the bill for me and Speedbump when we forgot to pay for our meal the last time we were out. I think it was just a cover for some diet they were on.

After zig-zagging through some tarmac terrain in outskirts of Lancaster, the trail crossed some very soggy fields to reach the campus of Lancaster University. Here the hares had made use of the covered passageways to lay the trail out of the rain, which allowed the pack to be dry too for a bit. Twisted relieved a student of his weapon, switched to bank robber mode and ran past banks with his pistol in her hand. But she was unable to use it and disposed of it leaving her fingerprints all over the barrel.

Anitseptic was bemoaning how big and developed the campus was. Unlike when she attended, when there were a couple of mud huts. Now there are banks and a Greggs!

We crossed the busy A6 to reach the beer stop. Amongst the goodies at the beer stop were Happy Faces biscuits. Bitter lined up two h*sh beauties and a Happy Face for a photo. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all? Happy Face!

The return trail found its way to the canal tow path in a deep cutting. Greasy bare earth turned the short scramble up the bank into a mountaineering expedition. The difficulty for Antiseptic climbing the bank with one usable arm was pointed out to Bubbles and Forever Blowing. Bubbles said sh*t, I forgot. But Forever Blowing said, well, we had to lay the trail with one arm, the other was carrying the flour. So no sisterly sympathy there then. Upperskirt was last back. Rather than getting lost, her excuse this week was an in-growing toenail, which resulted in a bad knee, meaning she could not move at her normal speed.

Down downs:

• Dormouse: for displaying bare legs and man boobs
• Twisted: for abusing someone’s pistol
• Sir Sir Tom: for cunningly claiming that he could not see the green chalk on a mid-grey background and so he was more confused than normal.
• Cyberseptic and White Noise got down downs too. But I don’t remember why.

We had our own sitting room in the pub, just the right size for the dozen of us who ate. Child sized small portions at the pub were available at the pub, and were good value. Bitter, Twisted and White Noise went for the smaller portions. They must be closet dieters. (See above) Their continued progress will need to be monitored. Chips scored highly.

Bubbles nominated a stool the Joke Stool. Bitter took to the Joke Stool with a long pregnant pause as his brain cell activated. “Security. Handbags on trains. Twenty years ago, a thief would have said, I’ll have that.” Unfortunately twenty minutes later Twisted still had not got the joke, so Bitter patiently explained it to her. Wow! Evenings must be lively in their household!