Ooooooooooooooooh the grand old Feels on Wheels,
She had ten plus six men,
She marched them up to the top of a hill,
Then she marched them down again.

And on the way up they complained,
And on the way down they got lost,
And when they were only half way up they made a don-key friend.

Ooooooooooooooooh the grand old Feels on Wheels,
She had ten plus six men,
She marched them around a golfing course,
And the rambos went up again,

And on the way up they did groan,
And on the way down they did moan,
And when they were only half way up, the rambos strayed again.

ooooooooooooooh the grand old Feels on Wheels,
She had ten plus six men,
The circle was done without everyone,
And Fiddler on the Hoof was named

And when they drank up they drank up,
And when they down-downed they down-downed,
And when they were only halfway down, the song began again.

Ooooooooooooooooh the grand old Feels on Wheels,
She had ten plus six men,
She sent them off to a well known pub,
But the kitchen was in flames.

And on the way there they were hungry,
And on the way back they were ravenous.
And when they were only half way there, they downed some pints instead.

Oooooooooooooooh the grand old Feels on Wheels,
She had ten plus six men,
By this time she was tucked up in bed,
Wo-man flu they said.

And when they found grub, it was good,
The best pizza in the neighbourhood,
But when it came round to splitting the bill, Lurch's maths skills went downhill

Dedicated to Cousin It 2011: “We went up a hill, then we went around a bit, then we came back down again”.