The Hares started by deliberately misleading the hashers into thinking that the day would be flat with loads of shiggy. After camping on the top of a hill surrounded by valleys they must have thought they were leading a really dumb gang. Speedbump proved this assumption was at least correct for one of the party when she decided to BBQ her veggie burgers on cardboard rather than charcoal!

The usual slow start was interrupted when we were distracted by a biker who needed a rest – and used chatting to hashers as the excuse. It was all down hill from there on – or was it? A description of the trail is suitably summarised in 4 sections

• First bit down – good
• First bit up – very bad
• Second bit down  - very good (as it was downhill and ended up at the pub)
• Second bit up – bad (as it meant having to leave the pub and then go up hill)

The GM ( I was told as usual) started the trail late and tried to blame delay on late arrival of Lurch and Morticia. Suspicions were that he had been checking local supplies of flour for a later event just in case he ran out. Or perhaps nearer the truth was that he had over slept because of the phantom snorer in room 5.

No one got lost on the “first bit down” but the tightly knit pack became stretched out on the “first bit up”. HJ’s best endeavours were dampened by an “overheating engine” which ensured he was in his usual place at the back but accompanies by two Harrietts.

Congregating at a “V” before the “second bit down” the trail split into two. Those being blindly led by the “not enough flour GM” - who could not see any markings ––and the others FSBs ( have to guess what this stands for). The first injury of the weekend occurred shortly after the re start – fancy dragging an old dog up and down those gradients. Bubbles survived surprisingly well -  but poor old Harry, the hash hound, needed help. Best dressed hasher went to Harry who must have been rueing the fact he had been forced to wear his normal attire on the hottest day of the year.

Under the relenting heat all were reunited at the first beer stop  -fantastic! Hashers noted the other party at the beer stop. Young boys being forced to wear wellingtons and rubber suits. They must have been melting but Baldbrick was more interested in fantasising what would it be like if Upper Skirt had the same attire on.

A dry river bed led to a wet pub –by far the best part of the trail. 

Baldbrick’s horn blowing was not surprisingly a bit reserved during the entire trail. Apparently, due to the fact that a local girl showed how to deliver a memorable blow job the night before. Her skills were so remarkable Bubbles spent over 15 minutes on his back unable to stand. Hope that’s clear enough.

The circle took place after an interlude – at the request of Sir Tom Tom - who needed to get spruced up prior to continuing his local search for flour.  Note: after the circle had finished and Sir Tom Tom had disappeared we relived to see evidence of his success as the huge billowing clouds of flour were clearly visible over Pately Bridge. Lurch has the photos to prove it.

Just Six Inches refused red wine because she thought it would make her “flirty” – but we all knew it was because she was on a promise. Which reminds me that over the course of the weekend, Bubbles continued his exciting research into tent colour and transparency. He discovered that green colour is the most effective colour to realise consequential benefits voyeurs (and he is). 

Those that remained a tad later in the circle were surprised to be joined by Clint Eastwood , albeit fast asleep, as the evening closed in. Rumour has it that Clint is a dab hand at putting away tents. If only he had been there to help Cyberseptic on the Sunday morning. His “Quick Pitch” tent proved to be a great hit with the observers as it took him longer to take down than it had to set the trail. 

Overall a memorable occasion, which highlighted the skills and shortcomings of the participants.

“Scoop” Hand Job