Dear GM - Not sure how I got appointed scribe again as having checked the stats’ on the website, I am second behind Sir Tom Tom for having scribed the most?! I am now feeling victimised, so therefore suggest you count me out for scribe now for at least the next 10 years (unless you wish to return to your car to find your tyres have been slashed)! Right…… now I have got my moan out of the way, lets get down to scribing Sunday’s r*n ……

A good turn-out for Tarty-Totty and Loose Elastics return to haring after a long absence (welcome back!) and although the weather was “grim up north” to start off with, it stopped raining just after we had set off … and the sun even popped out briefly later on. Crossing swollen streams and slipping up/down/across sloppy shiggy fields, we were taken onto familiar territory though Sizergh Castle car park, past the visitor centre and across more fields to Helsington Church. All hashers were able to meet and greet each other again at this point when the majority of us obeyed the first of the fish hooks at the church, although I did hear a few expletives for having to go back such a long way to sweep up the knitting circle (or was that just me fffing and jeffing along with the puffing and panting)? Great views from the top of the hill and then down into the wood with amazing snowdrop displays, although not much time to admire them as too busy trying to stay upright. Several checks later and a hash crash from Forever Blowing, we reached the beer stop where everyone seemed in fine fettle and enjoying the bucket contents, along with the far reaching views of the damson valleys and the Witherslack fells.

Leaving the safe haven of the beer stop we set off across a large field with a well-worn path, which Morticia remembered fondly as being a sh*tty trail at the best of times (my words not hers) and therefore we could expect far worse in the monsoon conditions of late. The trail didn’t disappoint and just to keep us “slip sliding away” (name that song!), the hares had set another fish hook at the top of the hill. Another opportunity to meet with the knitting circle who by now had a very large sweater in progress and only needed to knit a couple of sleeves to complete their outfit. I understand that by this stage The Fat Controller “had had enough of this hashing milarky” and had turned back… but not certain how true this was as he later appeared at the On Inn along with the rest of the circle.

A Wimp/Rambo split took us Rambos off into the opposite direction to the On Inn and eventually we swung upwards and over what I assume to be Sizergh Fell? It was lovely underfoot here given what we had been tramping through earlier and with the wind at our backs, I convinced myself I was really enjoying the outing. My little running pardner Lurch (in the absence of Twitty - get well soon Missus!) and I joined up with the hare Tarty Totty running in his wellies and eventually headed back down to the On Inn. Several of us took advantage of washing our trainers off in the over flowing beck at the back of the pub and looked reasonably presentable when we held the circle. This was of course, apart from No More Cum who had gone for the Mr Muscle look with his short shorts and appeared right out of touch with the current fashion of longer shorts (I bet he still has a pair of speedos at home)!

Down Downs were awarded for various misdemeanors including Morticia and Fat Controller for spoiling the trail (but not together – thank god!), OffHisTrolley and WhiteNoise for incontinence of the No'2 variety as their walking trousers indicated, plus No More Cum for short shorts and safe sex. Bitter was also cheered on his 30th birthday and I also got a free drink for my 21st birthday (thanks everyone)!

We are all looking forward to Highways hash next Saturday at 4:00pm as Baldbrick remarked we had not been lost on a hash for ages so we can put that right next week. Make sure you bring some money to pay the taxi to get you back to the On Inn.

On On, love Twisted. xx