As I scribe these notes, the participants of Hash 494 are still holed up in The Derby Arms; beer, food and banter aplenty.

Bubbles is still in bed in Scotland after a hard night shift.

And Madge and Syd are happily hashing somewhere in Portugal, unaware of the current heatwave and drought within these golden shores.

The Hares, Atomic Caton and Slack Haddock, however, managed to find an unusual Witherslack micro-climate of constant rain which contributed superbly to the traditional LVH trail of slippery rock, shiggy and washed away flour trails.

So well done to them for giving us all a welcome break from the monotonous boring constant diet of sunshine and heat that we've endured for so long.

So off on the hash, the FRBs working tirelessly, finding the trail away from the Open Checks and leaving the slower hounds in no doubt as to which way to go, or so we thought.

We had been warned of numerous Fish Hooks before the start of the hash.

This rattled the cages of Twisted and No More Cum who conspired between them to; and I quote:- "Not run all the way back cos it'll be a nightmare! Cos it's not fair on us FRBs, to have to run back just because the others can't keep up, cos they're wearing wellies and Rabbi sandals and Forever Blowing and stopping for a wee and getting lost and busy knitting and worrying where Bubbles is and stuff like that."

They needn't have worried, Tarty Totty and Loose Elastic were so far clear of the field that they arrived first at all fish hooks reducing Twisted and Cum to no more than snail pace onlookers as they contrived to not reach the fish hooks too early.

And what a sight confronted the FRBs at the first fish hook. A gaggle of hashers led by that great navigator Baldbrick (See Hash Report 493) emerging from a completely different direction, needless to say having miraculously arrived without the help of flour, and in the process saving their legs from a mile of hard slog.

On On without mishap to the welcome Beer Stop and happy rain soaked chit chat.

Without further ado the Wimps and Rambos went their separate ways and with skilful use of yet another Fish Hook the pack was re-grouped and stayed "nicely" together because Slack Haddock (co-hare) thought that the many Fish Hooks would make it "nice" for us all.

Nicely we all left a nice dry road to follow a trail up, up and up through nice shiggy on what seemed like a nice 5 mile rain soaked journey through dense forest vegetation littered with nice Fish Hooks before descending nicely down to the road just 200yards from where we had left it.

Bedraggled and suffering severely from alcohol deprivation the road from that point led us swiftly back to the On Inn, and 494 which lasted 2 hours and 7.8 miles was consigned to LVH history.

In the circle many Down Downs were awarded by The RA, Dormouse.

• Multiple DDs for "The Swampdogs" who added to the wetness of the already wet course.
• Upperskirt being the main offender.
• Highway for being a "Hash Terrorist"
• Baldbrick for leading half the hash astray... for the second hash running!
• Slackbladder for confusing the pack by letting his dogs eat the trail.

I have to apologise but I can't remember any more of the DDs. I think Rabbi had one and I'm sure Twisted will have had one because she is always up to no good.

So on inn to beer, banter and good food for the eaters.

Facts learnt at the On Inn today:-

1. No More Cum ruined his eye sight by wearing his spectacles inappropriately to make his telly look bigger then went to Thailand for corrective surgery.
2. Morticia still wears the same "After Hash Cardigan" that she wore after the first ever LVH3 Hash. It is now in need of urgent repair (under the left arm) by The Knitting Circle of which she is a founder member.
3. The North West Ambulance Service had a rush of calls to The On Inn after several elderly ladies went into shock after seeing a hasher exhibiting without trousers at The On Inn bar. I cannot reveal his identity, only to say his initials are NMC!
4. Witherslack is the only place in England to have seen rain this year.

On On Slackbladder.