R*n 5: Bowerham

The hashers gathered outside the Park Hotel in jovial mood, laughing as they waited for arriving stragglers, undeterred by freezing cold temperatures, driving sleet and numb extremities.

The hares, Slackbladder and No More Cum, content in the knowledge that after the hardy few had set off, they at least could retreat to the peace and comfort of the nearby telephone box, proceeded to demonstrate the noble art of painting the grass red.

Bemused the motley crowd jostled joyfully north from Pointer Roundabout, crossing the A6 in true kamikaze fashion down to the Water Witch and over the bridge. At this point the basic flaw in the Grand Master's delegation plan became apparent as Edward sporting the horn managed two strangled fart noises as an excuse for an ON ON. After intensive tuition in spitting he did later progress to some kind of a note but not one recognised on the melodic scale. Shittabrick to be came in from stick from Bubbles for confusing the hash during Edward's horn blowing training. However he must have realised that all those extra miles would do him no harm. Well maybe a little bit.

So down to the woods after confusion in Lancaster's Millennium garden feature. Sterling trail finding by Hash Drunk and a future Lurch proved that Hashers unlike our present Government surmount their millennium problems. At a wild cross roads far from habitation, or so it seemed, Forever Blowing and Morticia in the making emerged squealing from a not so neat descent of a ever so slightly muddy decline.

Arriving at the river's bank faster Hashers were not fooled by an ON ON arrow pointing to the far bank. Thank heavens for a drink after the event policy. However the Hare's cunning lingered and instead of a nice direct route all were treated to a slip and slide across the marsh. Everyone regrouped at the stile leading to Aldcliffe, some pretending that they had run all the way. Pick Me Up had a tiptoe style past standing lane water up and over to the canal and it was a very dirty dozen that struggled up and down to Ashton Road and so back to the Park Hotel.

Baptisms were visited on Lurch, Morticia, Wednesday, Shittabrick, and Accused.

Down Downs on:

• Morticia and Foreverblowing for squealing
• Shittabrick for confusing the Grand Master.
• Pick Me Up for pansying through water.
• Slackbladder for slack last trail.
• No More Cum for arrows into rivers

Very welcome sausages and chips provided by the Landlady - many thanks!