Bonjour mes amis, malheuresement, je suis votre correspondent pour le dernier hash - the major penalty of staying at Chateau Minor Twat’s during ‘remodelling’ of his chateau - no French windows in every room, just French plumbing (what’s left), no windows and leaky roof!

Do I believe in coincidences - yes, as, lo and behold, the hash started at the same On Inn as the only previous hash I had attended on my first annual visit, the Black Bull at High Bentham, just a day after I passed through the same village on my way to MT’s chateau. As I mulled over this very interesting thought, I calculated that on this basis I will gain my tankard in the year 2117 at the age of 174 - I do hope that you will all be around on that occasion for the presentation and please wait for me to finish the hash, I may have slowed down a bit by then!

At the other end of the age scale, Upperskirt brought her granddaughter, who was building up energy with an ice cream, not a bad idea, I thought. However it turned out she was not running, but however her education, particularly vocabulary, would undoubtedly been improved by the words, new to her, being bandied about those who should have known better, i.e. all of us (see Minor Twat for example!)

So to the hash itself - some 12 Hounds eventually presented themselves in the car park, Speedbump appeared, disappeared and reappeared whilst Dormouse presumably overslept and arrived after we had hared (or should that be hounded?) off. It was intriguing that during the briefing Hare Sir Tom Tom offered to pick us up in his car after the first leg and transport us to the start of the Rambo split or back to the pub - I was beginning to have second thoughts, fearing a 20 mile hike for the first leg .

So off we hared down Station Road (well everybody else did, as I walked with MT, Off His Trolley and White Noise in Tortoise mode discussing boats and sailing ) to where it meets Thickrash Brow (sithee, wot names tha’s got in Yorksheer) and the River Wenning, where we followed the south bank towards open fields. In the distance I caught my only glimpse en-route of the yellow-glo Ts of Speedbump and Forever Blowing, while MT has left us and appeared to be chasing Upperskirt for some reason. I totally lost sight of Baldrick, Belle, Paparassi and Simple, but concluded they were some way ahead of our sedentary trio, my excuse being that I had been sent out that afternoon to forage for tortoise food, which developed into a 2 hour cross country ramble in the sun, perhaps not the best preparation at my age for another countryside hash that evening!

So all I can report is that we were duly picked up by SirTT after a stiff climb up to what I think was Mewith Lane, from where we went back to the top field to reconnoitre for the recalcitrant Dormouse, whose yellow dayglo shirt was duly spotted running across the field in the valley below. Having passed Paparassi looking somewhat puzzled going the other way down Station Road, we were duly dropped off at Bentham Parish Church, from where we made our way back to the Black Bull, where virtually everybody else had arrived back, and Sir TT soon arrived with Dormouse. All in all, a relatively easy route for non-Rambos in beautiful countryside in the evening sunlight with little interference from the dreaded insects in spite of being a trifle sweaty. Thank you to Sir TT.

The usual official duties were conducted in the car park with the usual lack of decorum by Speedbump and we all decamped into the Black Bull, for the usual excellent fare and drinks, the main event being the arrival of a huge pizza for the obviously ravenous Speedbump, which Paparassi declared was only a small one by American standards!

A very pleasant evening with excellent company and see you all next year (or earlier if Brexit forces my hands, God willing!