None of us is getting any younger, that's for sure. Personally, I blame the unidirectional nature of the space-time continuum, but we'll leave the theoretical physics for another day. Suffice it to say, our average age is rapidly approaching that of the Rolling Stones, with one significant difference: the average age of today's hares was approximately half that of the pursuing pack! Not just a dry statistic that, but a genuine cause for concern - what if their youthful zeal caused them to set an excessively long trail, with restricted zimmer-frame access? Would there be sufficient defibrillators available to cope with the extra demand?

Only one thing for it - I would have to get into some serious training if I was to have any hope of hauling my sorry carcass round the trail. Then I had a brilliant idea, or, I should say, an idea even more brilliant than my usual brilliant ideas - the Great North Run! What better way to warm up prior to the rigours of a gruelling LVH3 outing than a quick jog with my Kenyan and Ethiopian running buddies!

So I got on the blower to my travelling companions Baldbrick and Upperskirt, and we decided to give it a go. Only snag was, both events took place on the same day - how very remiss of the GNR organisers not to check the LVH3 calendar before making their arrangements.

Undaunted, we headed NE-wards all the same. We would just have to set off a few hours before the other runners so that we could get back to Hale by 11 o'clock, it was the best we could do. Naturally, we were disappointed at not having the opportunity to run side-by-side with Mo Farrah, giving him the evil eye every time he turned sideways, before sprinting off with just a mile to go, leaving him in fourth place. Neverfheless, I feel pretty confident that Mo would find it hard to beat our time of 6 hours 32.3 minutes.

A nice trail from BM, CM & TD, highlight of which was Upperskirt overcoming her geriatric limitations and refusing all offers of help while negotiating the Fairy Steps. Let's face it - Mo would probably have struggled there as well. A bit of trail-sabotaging in the woods resulted in White Noise and Upperskirt going off at a tangent, while the more savvy amongst us decided to avail ourselves of Tarty Totty's local knowledge - a wise choice, as it happened. Good food at the on inn (The Tavern, formerly The Kings Arms) rounded off an enjoyable morning.