If you were in Cornwall, the presence of artificial white mountains would be interpreted by industrial archaeologists as the relics of the China clay industry, well known for the manufacture of what are now old white crocks. The presence of artificial white mountains in rural Lancashire you might think somewhat surprising as the drifts of Kaolin are unknown to the area. Nonetheless there was one in plain view as Wednesday Adams parked her car on the pavement over the river Hindburn.  And plenty more were found during the course of the run. 

Whilst talking about old crocks, if Sir Tom Tom and Fiddler could construct these mountains in a day whilst no longer fully in their prime, think what they might have done for the pyramids of Egypt or the Azteks if they had been born in a different era and place. More surprising is that they didn't create headline news precipitating a national panic as they scoured the local supermarkets for flour, or damage their car's suspension whilst moving such a load.

Those of you familiar with Adams family would be shocked that the family was a tad late at for the opening circle (and punished by giving Lurch the job of scribe) so we missed the revelation from Twisted that she was so enfeebled that crawling round the route was, for her, a distinct possibility, a revelation dropped in the circle by our observant Religious Advisor, who quite rightly discounted this as an absurd lie on the evidence of a GPS reading showing an excess of 2 miles over the official Fiddler approved distance. The usual punishment was meted.

Not-withstanding the flour slagheaps, the local farmer at Mealbank is now charged with removing trail markings with a zeal known only to olympic hopefuls or crack addicts looking for their next fix. It was a fluke that the Hash achieved more than half a mile with such unbenign spoilsports. Perhaps though we were mistaken: I can concoct a slighlty different narrative. Another Hash Circle punishment was handed out to Forever Blowing for having the audacity to be nearly the same age as Heinz has varieties. What if a free source of flour was available for making birthday cakes, just waiting to be picked up...?

By and by we happened upon the hares with refreshments in a sylvan corner of Wray perched above the river Roeburn, barely half a mile from the finish. Any health benefits of running negated by sugary carbonated drinks and biscuits (or should that be expertly constructed isotonic fluids to restore glycogen levels to optimum value). But then we headed off away from the finish with allegedly a flat way back.  Though my inclinometer and the unmistakable OS map's 1 in 7 arrow on the road out of Wray would cause me to dispute with the honorouble hares.

A long fish hook gave us the pleasures of the non-hill yet again and then truly flatland arrived. Dormouse attempted to lead the pack astray with a shortcut that failed miserably and punishment was meted out at the circle to add to his humiliation.  In revenge, he noted that Upper Skirting is now illegal so punishment was meted out for that too.

Welcome Teign Valley Hash House Harriers, Soapy and Melon Picker. I hope you enjoyed the run as much as I did. NB any readers not familiar with us I urge you to join us and not to dwell overly on the prospect of punishment as I re-read my scribblings (if that's what scribes do).

On-On Lurch.