Well I was confused from the start as I thought this was run 71 but our next run is also apparently 71 and we appear to have had 2 run 69's. Still!!

We all gathered- a good crowd of us apparently for a full moon Hash, in the car park of the Punch Bowl in Low Bentham on a lovely sunny evening, the birds were singing, the sky was blue, not a care in the world.....

I was then brought back to reality to see my younger son running off down the road when he was presented with the horn- he didn't want to be in charge of it in case we got lost!! - that would never happen, surely?  Perhaps a good move on his part, or he'd had a premonition. I became a little puzzled when we were told not to blow the horn near the Llamas and to take care when crossing the bull field as the bullocks were somewhat frisky. Even more worryingly Bubbles also proceeded to tell us of a new marking he had invented- "the boob check". This consisted of a circle with 2 dots in it, signifying that the females in the group were to find the course. This was due to the fact that we females apparently don't normally join in with the checks and always leave it to the men. At this point I must protest, as we, the women, were out numbered by at least 3 to 1. As usual our protestations were duly ignored and we were given our starting instructions - "left over the bridge". Perhaps at this point I should let you all into a secret; Peeping Tim's motto is "never rely on instructions"!! - a useful thing to know as within 30 seconds of setting off the leading pack were already heading off in completely the wrong direction and ended up in the school play ground! It didn't bode well either that the Hares didn't seem to know left from right!! Still not to be defeated we eventually found the right track and we were off, on-on.....

We hadn't travelled a great distance before the women were left behind and the leading men came into view- all resting in the field. Must be a boob check we thought. We proceeded to search for the trail. After what seemed to be an eternity Forever Blowing cried "on-on" and we were off again, only to stumble across a confusion of a trail with markers in all directions and arrows pointing the wrong way!! We eventually concluded- after much bumbling around and cursing, that this must be the return route and that we had missed the trail..... At this point I was extremely worried that we were not going to make it back to the pub in time for food, -well I hadn't eaten since 12.30pm, and suggested that we just hang around a bit and then pretend we'd done the whole run. I was soon told that this wasn't fair game and so back we all went to the original boob check. (I don't think these sorts of checks are going to catch on). Fugitive Nipple apparently found the route, I couldn't find the markers but I was advised not to question and just to follow. So after a very slow and faltering start we were off, eventually.  We went through lots of fields with very long grass and indeed we did see the Llamas, who were terrorised by Slack Bladder who blew the horn. I was looking forward to a beer stop, only to remember that there isn't one on a full moon hash!! I'm not sure if the Rambo's were chased by the bullocks or what happened on their part of the hash. We managed to avoid any further major mishaps and enjoyed some glorious views of Ingleborough and the surrounding countryside on the way. On the way back through the village it was obvious that we had become a source of amusement for some young kids who had seen us- and probably heard us - bumbling and cursing earlier!! They've probably not had that much entertainment in Bentham for years- they should be grateful I reckon!! So more by luck than good management we all made it back for the circle in the car park.

Down-downs awarded to:

• Peeping Tim- for being dyslexic
• Hash Drunk for being a poser and waiting for the Rambo's and running the last bit to "look good"
• Slack Bladder-for blowing the horn at the Llamas
• Fugitive Nipple-remains Hash Shit and for being "the inventor" for his idea of fixing a bracket to the loo seat to hold a can of beer
• Old Banger- for being "Faithless" thinking that Forever blowing wouldn't be able to blow the horn- (What's in a name?!!) and constantly giving orders to Fowl Scrotum
• Fowl Scrotum - for lying down at every opportunity just like castrated lambs
• P Dough- for wearing "illegal" Speedo shorts.