Lune Valley Hash House Harriers

Monday 22nd July 2024
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R*n 758 location

R*n 758 started from Low Demesne, Ingleton and the On Inn was Wheatsheaf, Ingleton.

Who ran 758? - data up to & including this r*n

Hash HandleHareHoundTotal
Sir Tom Tom - Hare61314375
Chapped Lips53237
Large Package54449
Late Cummer53237
Major Twit38239277
Minor Twat25236261
Wears the Soap52429

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Saturday 24th July 2021 at 4:00pm

Full MoonR*n 758 »


In t’old days (the 50’s) I started drinking in pubs when a pint of mild was 4½d (for those who have been decimalised, just under 5p).The choice of draught beers was mild or stout and the two sexes that then legally existed rarely mixed as unaccompanied females were not allowed in the bar, but had to go into the ‘Ladies Room’, presumably to avoid the attentions of us hormone laden teenagers and thus the possibility of on site fornication. This was a miserable and somewhat unnecessary precaution, because you were lucky if you could see your best mate’s face in the thick smog of tobacco fumes inside, never mind the darts board or more importantly, a member of the opposite sex . The beer was so cheap as brewers did not have to engage the services of expensive, image making, foppish, London interior designers (such were not yet invented oop north and it would have been dangerous for them if they had been), as all pubs were decorated inside in various shades of brown, politely labelled ‘nicotine’, not so politely, ‘s**t!

In order to make up for the lack of enough alcohol in the mild beer, leading to insufficient inebriation to bolster the subtle art of ‘pulling the birds’, it was necessary to undertake a pub crawl, so called as it normally ended in literally crawling home or round a police cell nursing a black eye, and being careful not to ask where that came from, as another may well be in the offing!

Pub crawls were not so difficult, as in the main street of my then home town, Preston, pubs were handily placed about every 20 yards, thus making it possible to search, in most cases vainly, for exotic birds in at least 12 hostelries without even the difficult process of negotiating a corner, which was useful as the last few visits entailed much staggering. On the way various potions were imbibed, including several ‘Red Biddies’ in ‘Yates Wine Lodge’, both somewhat pretentious titles, but yes, that really was the name of this strong rough wine served from small oak barrels behind the bar into port glasses - such sophistication! However,the downing of these strong nerve additives was a necessary adjunct to the girding of loins for the art of seduction (or as it was then known ‘chatting up’), which more often than not ended up in the embarrassment of rejection and being the subject of much derision by your mates.

Nowadays, one staggers over the price of the beer, which only costs some 70 times more than then (based on £3.50/pint - other, usually higher, prices are available)and the greaternumber of sexes now legally availableand somewhat confusing to this old gimmer are even allowed to mix! Now thisleads to one having to be extremely careful who or what one is approachingand since the use of the old chat up lines like ‘get yer coat love, yer pulled’ or the more sophisticated‘I must be in luck tonight as heaven’s sent a beautiful angel like you’ no longer seem to do the trick. However, I have adapted and still managed to even pull a bird after copious schnapps in Germany, or at least I thought I had, until the lads dragged me away from a ‘she’ who had not self declared as a ‘him’ or maybe even a ‘Himmler’. Thus a few research trips to Thailand were necessary to perfect the art of being able to distinguish ‘ladies’ from ‘lady boys’ (and it’s cheaper than Germany!).

Anyway, I’ve given up now, as it’s embarrassing if one is successful with an opposite sex, because succumbing to the invitation to ‘come inside for a coffee’ inevitably leads to being assailed by an array of electric aids bearing ‘tested’ stickers and not being sure what goes where, one tries to consult the only manual I know, the Karma Sutra, which is difficult when swinging naked on a chandelier and your glasses have dropped off and with mobility so restricted that I can only just get my socks on - and then I have to take them off as apparently it’s not polite to ’do it’ with your socks on nowadays. Believe me it’s easier and more satisfying to assemble an IKEA wardrobe than face this situation, even if the doors do end up upside down.

So what has this all to do with this full moon R*n in Ingleton? You're no doubt asking yourself, has he lost the plot, cos I am! Well it’s because after the R*n, the Hasher who is now our esteemed leader led a few of us hungry and thirsty seekers of sustenance round Ingleton in the most bizarre pub crawl I can remember (leaving aside the fact that by their very nature, not many are remembered).

Starting at the Wheatsheaf Hotel, we then visited the Three Horseshoes, the Craven Heifer and ended up at The Masons, It was bizarre as:

  1. Only our leader went in most of the pubs, which wouldn’t let us in.
  2. We walked halfway round Ingleton having already done the trail yet none of us consumed any alcoholic or indeed, any beverage en route.

This apparently was either due to us not wearing masks or the pubs could not cater for us, but we did then enjoy an excellentand good value food and drink at the Masons.

And the R*n? Oh yes it was a warm sunny evening, there was a trail, but not up to STT’s normally liberal use of flour as some of us temporarily got lost ( or maybe we just did not pay attention to where we were going) and I don’t remember seeing a moon. I do remember walking down a lane towards a sunlit Ingleborough thinking ‘oh, no, we’re not going up that are we?’ and watering the trees in a graveyard, furtively looking over my shoulder to make sure no vicar was approaching behind, always a dangerous situation. Plus waiting for a sibling of mine and his spouse suspiciouslyemerging from the woods somewhat later than the rest of us before we could enjoy the Circle and down downs - sorry no further details are available from the dark recesses of my brain!. And thank you STT for a very enjoyable and convivial evening and with apologies to all for this late missive.

Wears the Soap

Write up by Wears the Soap

18th January 2022 at 7:08pm