A cold, cold, bright morning saw a jolly band of hashers arriving in the car park (Septics last as usual).  The hares were there, the dogs were there and the cold wind was there too.  With very little ado the JM got the hares in and after a talk of dodgy stiles, a r-w split and a footpath through a fence, all of which would happen after the beer stop, we set off - Baldbrick hanging on to Rufus's lead and being dragged along, Harry, the collie setting the pace weaving in and out of hashers and all the two-footed runners looking lead-footed in comparison.

Just round the first bend came the first check - curiously two open check marks within a few yards of each other.  Bit of an overkill this, as we never miss checks in LVH3!!!  After a few fields and some tarmac we came to the first challenge - trail went cold in a large field with no previous split or check.  Then a real live decoy hare was spotted, a lot of milling around and "on ons" in the field during which several hashers went up to the ankles in deep, vile shiggy, which they could have avoided with an ounce of intelligence (I only went in it out of duty as JM of course).  Fowlscrotum suggested we go straight to the beer stop cos he knows where it is!  What to do?  Like hang-dogs, walked back towards the last farm, retracing our steps past the last few markers, and suddenly from afar heard the knitting circle: Morticia, Cum Yak Yak and Cousin It, shouting the loudest onons, on a completely different route on the other side of a wood.  We eventually found the stile exit from the farmyard and were back on trail.  Over a footbridge and some stiles and there in the garage of somebody's house was the beer stop.  Good idea that - choose a house in a good position and use it for a beer stop.  Apparently the occupants were in Switzerland - some excuse for not being there and joining in!  Eventually the hashers all rolled in with Minor Twit and Ric bringing up the rear.  During course of downing drink the hares admitted that our disappearing trail episode earlier was due to their changing their minds on the setting thinking they had rubbed out the abandoned option.  F*&%£$k!!

Off again and along a track, over a stile, across fields etc etc, with more spectacular views of the Bowland fells, Ingleborough and the mountains of the Lake District, then more of the same, eventually to a wimps-rambos split.  Hash Drunk following on behind and, on being congratulated for being a Rambo by Lurch, announced that he hadn't realised he was on the rambos split and not the wimps!!  The views from the tops were amazing.  Well worth the effort of getting there.   Over a beck, across more fields, then a gruelling tarmac run-in to rejoin the wimps, past the hares sitting in the car - random thing to do! and back to the pub.

Good run, good dry weather, biting wind but fun.

Down downs:

• Hares, Old Banger and Pick Me Up for a good but cold run with unconventional false trail and no ford to wash the shiggy off shoes - JM blind again, we did cross a beck - where was he?  wherever he often is in a world of his own!  
• No More Cum for run no 97 - no hares, no circle, too dark, very little trail, police barriers etc  
• Upperskirt/Buttercup for being the arse of a cow (panto season)
• Fowlscrotum for even suggesting that hashers could cheat!
• A non-down down because everyone had paid their subs - though some 111 money still to be paid!!  
• Ric and Ralph - named as Quaver and Crochet