Those of you, who have done a bit of hashing might recognise some sense in the title and not expect a boring tale of tea and scones in Kirby Lonsdale. The original hash conceived back in 1938 sprang up in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and is still affectionately referred to as Mother. I had been aware of this almost since I first started hashing in 1998 and have since read the stories of Gispert, rubber plantations and expat toffs from public schools, who knew one end of paper-chase from the other. These last 11 years, I have been promising myself to visit KL and run on the original hash - for no other reason than to say, "done that!"
Well last month, March 2009, I finally did that. I'd been invited to KL on a couple of occasions by Wet Dream and took him up on his offer. As I had already been in Pattaya for two weeks, I was acclimatised and only two hours away from my destination. Following my usual route through Bangkok - Dynasty Inn and Soi Cowboi - I arrived in KL on the Saturday morning and met up with WD at the Central Station. From there we went to his pad in a more up-market area of the city. I stayed on the 13th floor of a modern condo block with views right across the city as far as the Genting Highlands, where the casino lights up the sky at night. There were other condos nearby, but also a jungle covered hill and more besides, where you could easily have set a run. I was made very comfortable in one of three bedrooms (not including the absent maid's broom cupboard), with its own shower and toilet.
KL apparently has 29 different hashes (I think he said that - it was something ridiculous), but the one I was going to run with didn't happen until Monday night. I had a couple of days to kill, so WD took the opportunity of taking me to the Royal Selangor (emphasis on the "lan") Club sports and social complex to look around. I knew it was from the now demolished "chambers" of the same club that the hash had started and derived its name. I had to be signed into a very large important looking book and later that evening was required to observe the dress-code in certain areas. Outside in 30+ temperatures, the lads were playing rugby.
The next day, we went to the original Selangor Club building in the city centre. This, like the newer sports complex smacked of a by-gone era. I noted that the club had first opened in the late 1800s and up until 1964 the presidents had all had British surnames. From then on it was quite the opposite. The bifurcated main stairway had long swagged lengths of material draped over it with rosettes on the newel posts. Panelled walls and brass plaques were in abundance. Somewhere inside there we found the hash bar, which at about 1500 was quite deserted. As you approach it along the corridor, there are two displays of hash patches under glass each side of the entrance. Other than that, you wouldn't think the hash had been there. The stuff on the walls of the bar itself related to darts and snooker. I was, however, kindly allowed into the hash heritage room nearby. Here, you can find a bit more memorabilia and a lineage chart showing all the hashes and their connections to other hashes. I think that LVH3 are connected to Kowloon courtesy of Bubbles and Forever Blowing. I now understood that the Royal Selangor Club was an establishment with more than 100 years of history and that, while the hash may have its roots there, its membership past and present does not necessarily have any interest in hashing or even know what it entails.
On the Monday before the hash, WD took me to the Batu Caves, where an endless stone staircase takes you up to share space with the cheeky monkeys. We got a lift to the run with another hasher with a very broad Irish accent, whose name I have forgotten. This leads me in to inform you that the original hash doesn't have hash names, although many have names bestowed by other hashes. It is a male-only affair, where females are referred to as "unmentionables". After running for about 90 minutes through rubber trees and the like we got back to the A-site. WD had already prompted me about water and I had decided to follow the ritual. After stripping bullock-naked at the side of the dirt track, I proceeded to tip two 5 litre bottles of water over myself. I cannot describe how good that warm water felt after the run, though I'd have felt more comfortable doing it on a mixed run - I had my gay-guard up! Unlike most SE Asian hashes I have run with, this one didn't have ice to sit on and we stood on beer crates instead to drink our down-downs. Also, the majority of the hashers were local Malays, Chinese or of Indian origin and us "gwielos" were in the minority. After the circle, we headed for a local restaurant and ate Chinese food and drank more beer under the stars.
Somewhere during the weekend Ireland beat Wales at rugby and won the Grand Slam. WD never shut up about it and is probably still playing it on all his TVs at once. All I was bothered about was that Spurs beat Chelsea and were more or less ensured that they would be safe from relegation. So there you have it. It might have been boring, but there was no tea and scones.