R*n 914: Kirkby Lonsdale

Hashing is the sport of choice for the geographically and directionally challenged. I've long suspected it, but it's now confirmed. Park on the east side of Devil's Bridge, it said on the website. For anyone unsure of their easts and their wests, all they had to do was drop that little yellow guy, Mr. Google, on the map on the website, and Streetview would show them precisely where to go. Sadly, those who never get any further than WhatsApp, and rely on their own navigational skills, found locating the start a tad more difficult. Luckily, the fact that the other car park was full motivated them to drive on - and there we were! All together at last!

Quadrophonic hares were the order of the day, and we were treated to a generous one hare per 2.5 hounds. Not much chance of getting lost, then, especially as the hares distributed maps at the start - one for the Rambos and one for the Wimps. Curiously, the Wimp map was entrusted to White Noise, who promptly set off on an entirely different route from the rest! UpperSkirt would have been a wiser choice; we're seriously considering having her microchipped so we can recover her in the event of loss..

A new marking device was introduced - the double-headed arrow. I was somewhat sceptical at first, as these had been tested by Chief Sitting Bull prior to the Battle of Little Big Horn and found to be unsuitable in warfare, as they were killing the archers as well as their targets. Fortunately, this design fault was rectified in time to give Custer and his mob a sound thrashing on the day. The LVH3 variant, however, caused no problems of orientation, and the trail was generally held to have been exceptionally well marked, and very scenic too!

Bit of a cock-up on the catering front later, though. I didn't get where I am today by not recognising a bit of a cock-up on the catering front. The catering contract having been farmed out to a third-party service provider (WN & OHT Dining Solutions Ltd.), the Snooty Fox was designated as On Inn. On arrival, and having already purchased drinks, we were told that some menu items were unavailable - specifically, food.

Faced with a famine comparable to Gaza, WN & OHT went off to secure an alternative source of sustenance, and luckily the Kings Arms was able to keep the meals coming and avoid a humanitarian crisis. All's well that ends well, as they say.

Footnote: I had a funny feeling at the beginning that something was not quite right, but couldn't put my finger on it. Only later did it dawn on me: Dormouse had turned up on time. Moreover, he didn't get lost. Very suspicious. Obviously not the real McCoy, but a facsimile generated by AI and produced on a 3-D printer.

On on to UpperSkirt's full-mooner!