Usually if you are a late cummer to a hash your given the job of scribe but on hash 837 it wasn't the case. The JGM circled everyone up,I pointed out BB had a hat on in the circle to which JGM agreed and announced he's the scribe then changed his mind and chose me instead.

Its one of those things you just accept,no point in being bitter about it,though you've got to ask the question, a fella like him has he got a heart and if so is it made of rock or a brick.

Hares gave us instructions about the trail which all sounded simple and straightforward to follow and warned there are arrows directing us out and in again.They also recommended covering your legs due to brambles etc,so no shorts or mini skirts.

After eleven clangs on the church bells we were off up and over the bridge to pass said arrows to the 1st of many checks. With 24 rambo/wimps and a dog we soon made light work of finding the trail down a grassy track,passing a large house similar to the one sir tom used to live in,a strange place to build a house in a field but bet it has fantastic views from the upper floor windows. Going through a few fields we crossed a footbridge (not the best place to take a comfort break L&D ) and entered a field of frisky bullocks,where i hear all sorts of rum going on's took place. After escaping the marauding beasts we entered a wood with elder trees we followed a twisted path covered in brambles,virgin Louisa had to watch she didn't plucker her jacket.

Finding the way was easy due to numerous blobs of flour and pleasant in the gorgeous countryside,passing wheat fields with a game bird feeding on the over ripe wheat ears and in the far distance we heard a twit to woo. After a bit of confusion on Inskip Common we emerged on a minor road,watching how we crossed over as a boy racer in his white vauxhall astra with big bore exhaust made a loud noise as he drove past.

A few hundred yards up the road we arrived at the BS and was presented with the most beautiful garden,all perfectly designed and laid out with gravel path,pergola,flanked with sweeping colour coordinated herbaceous borders,natural wildlife pond,abundance of veg in its own plot all surrounded by immaculate lawns with freshly applied stripes, but no garden gnome !!. The homemade cake went down well with everyone going back for 2nd helpings. Virgin Dave asked to use the bathroom,with it being very posh and him not used to seeing liquid soap he shouts wears the soap ?. After a first class feast we left the BS but forgot to look for flour blobs and found ourselves at a major road junction with a motor car doing a Ueee. The only thing for it was to stomp all the way back.

After retracing our steps and finding the trail again we had to navigate ourselves round a scruffy farmyard strewn with old scrap cars,rusty farm implements and super market trolleys. To top it all they had a black tom cat with a bald patch on his tail. A series of metal gates knotted up with baler twine was our next obstacle,all to be climbed over with the kind help of Late Cummer,(perhaps he has a heart of gold after all) and others to get to the road, a road i have used many times to get to work in my past profession near GT ECC,lovely in Summer but perishing in Winter and many a day went home with chapped lips but not from engaging with the twat in the store room.

We hashed through more fields and another wood to be confronted with a giant cornfield,luckily the hares had done a great job of marking the way so we knew to go straight through it. It's amazing that from a 3.5" floppy seedling it can grow over 8' tall and its seed is all contained in its own package on its stalk. On we went and nearly back to the pub following the directional arrows in.

Once all had returned to the pub car park the JGM called to circle up to toast the Hares for doing an excellent job of setting the trail and hosting the BS. He also asked for a whip round to pay for some new socks for STT as both big toes were poking out and making a bid for freedom.

Some of the hashers did misdemeanours which resulted in a few down downs.

SirTomTom for BIG holes in his socks

BaldBrick and SirTomTom for turning the wrong way following the directional arrows

Upperskirt and BB for bullock whispering 

Motor Gnome for allegedly littering the trail dropping paper hankies 

Virgin Louisa for having a piddle near the trail and Virgin Dave for aiding and abetting said infringement of the rules

Off HisTrolley for the above offence without Dave or Louisa's helping hand

 Major Twit receiving her 300th hoodie and making history for herself by swallowing all her down downs for the 1st time ever.

A delicious meal was enjoyed by all at the Grapes with pretty good service from the pleasant staff.

On On to the next one.

Big Dibber.