WHY THE WRONG HAT CAUSED MY HASHING EARACHE

I woke up on Sunday morning after a night of free gifts. Bentham's early Bonfire Night display held in the Cattle Mart grounds on Saturday evening was watched for nowt through my lounge window as five minutes of expensive fireworks lit up the night sky - what's not to like? But a bit of residual guilt at not making a monetary contribution led me to consider donating next year my out-of-date (only by about 30 years) pack of 6 distress flares from my boating days, discovered recently in my shed, on the condition that someone else lets them off - well, you don't want to blow your own fingers off, do you! Plus a free extra hour in bed and free bright sunshine streaming through the bedroom window. Plus the prospective delight of hashing north of Kendal in the sunshine in an area hitherto unknown to me, and I suspect other Hashers.

So at 10.00 a.m., with a spring in my step, just like Zebadee (which nearly caused a tumble down the front steps, so I abandoned the spring) I gleefully headed for my car, but something was wrong - it was not only raining but it was bleeding cold!  Thereby necessitating a return to my flat to find a waterproof jacket that turned out to be not waterproof, the wrong choice of hat in the form of a cap and a spare change of  shoes and socks, as a long AGPU afternoon beckoned -  not comfortable with wet feet ( and as it turned out, wet and cold everything and everywhere!)

So, arriving at the designated A6 lay-by in the pouring rain after a 50-minute drive, I found only two Hash cars there, making a total of five LVH3 Hashers - the turnout looked grim. But through the murk, other cars turned up, revealing so many hashers from other Hashes that we risked being outnumbered, but we bid them a friendly welcome and exchanged hash nomenclatures. To save the day, whilst in the instructional Circle a Ford Fiesta turned up and disgorged four LVH3 hashers, who will be nameless, one carrying a bugle!

The Hares explained that they had laid the trail with chalk and flour, the latter in some cases being laid on frost, thus the trails may be difficult to follow, and yes, they were certainly right! Forewarned is forearmed, but that did not help the about 13 departing Hashers - I did not count, due to cold and not enough fingers!

So, off we went and taking up my customary place at the rear with OHT we watched as everyone else disappeared into the misty rain, but we soon caught up with other Wimps as we all searched for clues as to where to go - a recurring theme on this wet and cold windy day, with many markings washed away! Fortunately, the hares kept appearing in the gloom in their car to keep us on the right path, but it seemed like hours before we reached the welcome beer stop, to be told we only had about 1.5 miles to go to return to the lay by. That, of course, depended on going the right way, and you've guessed, we didn't!

If you want to know where we went, I have deduced from the OS (OL7) map that it was mostly in Skelmergh and Scalthwaiterigg C.P. (no, I've never heard of it either, nor can I pronounce the latter!). I know we went through Dodding Green and in places alongside the picturesque River Mint, and I think the beer stop was on a lane that is part of the Dales Way. Venturing down said lane, we came to the A6, crossed over and wended our way over more fields than we needed to, to return to the lay-by and straight off to the pub, a Circle indoors being far more preferable than standing in the rain. It was agreed by all that it was refreshing to go to an area previously unknown to most of us, and thank you, Hares.

A late lunch was had at the Duke of Cumberland ( a Kendal pub, not a stately home), where we had an upstairs room warmed by a lovely log fire, though warmth was blocked to the majority by some Hashers warming the hole of their body standing in front of the fire - you know who you are!

As to the cause of the earache, ask someone else, cos I can no longer hear you from my right side (unless, of course, you're profferring money!).

P.S. on 28/10/25

So what was this Earache business all about? 

 As stated above I wore the wrong hat on Sunday, so once my cap got soaked the water ran off my cap into my right ear, in which resides my hearing aid, (and the same in my left ear), but these hearing aids don't like water. How do I know this? Well, I once jumped in the shower with them in and they stopped working - an expensive mistake! 

So near Dodding Green Catholic Church, which is actually an old farmhouse up a private drive, with the public footpath running through the grounds, I took my right aid out to dry it with a tissue, held it between my wet finger and thumb and it shot out into the long wet grass - or the adjacent stream, so panic! Despite searching in the rain for about 20 minutes by OHT, WN, Baldbrick and Upperskirt and of course myself , we failed to find it - but thank you all for helping. 

Considering the cost for both was €3180 in France in 2018 it was looking like a very costly Hash for me, as a replacement would probably cost about £2000 now - they are made in Titanium from a mould of the outer ear cavity, so a new mould would be needed and when completed an audiologist has to adjust the aid to enhance frequencies the wearer cannot hear via a simple test. I was working in France and earning good money with very low expenses when I bought them - my situation is somewhat different now!

So this morning the sun was shining and I went back to DGCC armed with shears and a rake and cut down the grass near where I thought I had been standing - low and behold, after 10 minutes searching I found it, to my delight and amazement! So back home, I've cleaned it up inside and out, and in spite of heavy rainfall during the last two days and nights, it's working fine. Sometimes it pays to be a tight Yorkshireman!